sigh...

i want to write

but i just don't know what to write...

how to write...

i know there is an idea

somewhere in my brain...

something that's bothering me

but i have no idea how to start...

can't sleep...

i turned off the lights and lie down in my bed. i'm going to sleep. i closed my eyes, take a breath and tried. a couple of seconds, i opened my eyes, turned on the lights, got a pen and paper and wrote up until this "Word". i literally stopped. i guess, i don't know what will i write. ah... i know why...hhhmmm.. you see this morning something came up. a warning that made my heart beat fast. i kinda scream to express what i feel. i stopped writing again... i know why i am writing... i'm writing just to continue expressing what i felt... my eyes are now almost closed. my head aches. i feel sleepy. but i cant go to sleep still.... how i wish i can go to sleep peacefully.... ahm but ALIVE... heheeh

WHY WRITE

A room as a square,
thoughts floats on air.
still on edge of despair,
own life want to spare.

question how could it be?
of course, you know how it should be.
Yet a simple step can't be,
for i still fall in flee.

Pushed away wool fold,
protects you on cold.
Why am i a fool,
well, ice snow act of woeful.

I write on express,
of emotion on depress.
Hope I'll regress
to a child, on vanished disgrace.

Downhill....

There are things we want in our lives
that does not happen according to plan.
You asked,
"WHY?"
"Why of all things ...
you just..
you just can't have what you want...
It hurts...
And you just can't do
anything to ease the pain...
Or for just a minute...
Lessen the pain...
All you can do is wait
the invisible wounds to heal.
As the time flies by...
I know...
I have to be OK...
I have to be."
And you just always say to yourself,
"I know GOD has a reason for all of these,"
the only HOPE I have.
A FAITH.

* i can still remember... i was very sad when i wrote this... it was really painful for me... i FLANKED the nursing licensure exam... the ONLY thing i asked from GOD... and He did not give it to me... i was so sad. i cried every night. for about two weeks... and sometimes i cry when i remembered it at that time...hhhmmm.. painful part is all of my friends/barkadas passed!!! i'm left!!! i'm not saying that i want them to fail just to make me feel better but, i admit, i'm jealous... and you know what... they just can't understand me when i just open up to them what i feel... that its just not easy to accept it... hhhmmm... right now... well, ready passed the exam... i'm a registered nurse...:) yet unemployed im happy still. i know i will have a job. hehe. looking back, i think i just learned not to give up... trust GOD... he will give it its just... not now.. i've become more understanding, strong and fight.... it was really a downfall for me... but when you fell... there is nowhere to go but up... you don't want to be stucked right?*

just goofing...

after i created this blog... i swear i don't know what to type... sigh...

it is already at the middle of the night... can't sleep... so i just started to goof around hehehe

(* by the way, if anyone is reading it, i am sorry for the wrong grammar... hehehe... i'm not a writer type and i did'nt practice too much of writing... you see i'm a nurse. an unemployed nurse as of now...)

back to this... well..*here i go again, i stopped to think...* well, there are too many questions running through my mind... and i actually don't know how to answer every question of it... am i crazy???... well, i supposed to know, i'm a nurse right??... of course i'm a nurse *answered my self back* guess i'm crazy :D

those questions... just sometimes pops out of nowhere.... and i don't know how can i actually asked it... and i don't know whom to asked...